How many times can I begin writing the same post? Well how many times have you made the same mistake?
“The tales of our exploits will survive as long as the human voice itself.” (92363BC)
The last few months have taught me many things. I’d almost say I’m a different person in some ways. Tho, I don’t know if people really change. I feel, we evolve. Writing has helped me give off some steam. Ya know develop gradually. Form my own philosophies & routines that work for me.
CETUS- LUPEEDUS! I love astrology. It’s a system to help us analyze & optimize the patterns in our lives. It makes you consider things like how you process emotion, why you may gravitate toward certain stuff or people, & what you need to feel fulfilled. Are you paying attention to where expanding wants to happen? Retrogrades are part of this magic. Allowing space for review & reevaluation. Periodically integrating opportunities to heal the past, so we can move forward more in harmony with our life’s design. Speaking of designs…
In the pattern you’ll find the row by row instructions. & A chart for people like me, who learn from what they see. I’ll do my best to describe the rest. Made with Splash House in mind, I wanted my attire to be something that’d catch your attention. But first there is something I have to mention,,
End of Eclipse Season Summer 2018
I debated about sharing the sordid details. But as intimate as they seemed, acknowledging these things, has helped me to move through what I was feeling. Closure is the doorway from the past to the present. Unconsciously, we attract situations that reflect issues we haven’t overcome yet. Writing is my way to work through it individually. To honor what once was, learn from each wrong turn, & accept that things must end for something new to being.
Back in July, I was dating this guy… If we’re personal real life friends, this is no news to you. We were together for almost 4 years (or 3, depending on my mood when you ask me).
Peaced out of that relationship.
Break ups are a bit traumatic. One day everything is all right, you’ve got a partner by your side. & The next you’re Megalone! Able to roam the far reaches of the globe, solo. Single, we were free from disturbance to go after our dreams!✌️ He always believed in me… just didn’t want to be apart of that reality. Plus I was starting to see, he felt I had to be an imbecile for finding truth to astrology…
There’s more than meets the eye, when things come in & out of your life.
What did this make me feel? Pressure. I was letting go of someone I loved & wanted to build a life with, to pursue a passion & create a future I could barely describe. Without anyone in my corner, reassurance would be hard to come by. But I had to try.
Leo Season - I'm Belivein
As soon as I head of Splash House, my soul knew it was something I needed to experience. Palm Spring’s groovy decor & mid-century vibes, make me feel more at home than any other place I’ve been. Originally I thought the event would bring me closer to him. But since that wouldn’t be happening, I wanted to take a friend.
With just days till the event, I had trouble finding anyone to join in. I wasn’t stoked. There can be some definite down sides to going out alone. Mainly, random dudes thinking they have a chance to get at you.
Thankfully my chick Nikky put me at ease. As soon as I told her about the break up, she was looking out for me. To quote the girls at her birthday in July, “Hot Brother” Kyle would be there & he’d keep out an eye.
Unfortunately, she had the event mixed up. He was actually attending Life Is Beautiful on 9/23… (my DOB). But last minuet another Cancer chick reached out to me & that’s how I ended up going with Kali!
Buttons are cool, because they tell people things for you. Everyone deals with stuff in their own way. I like to pretend nothing bad ever happened & go play… Or work on creating something better, like a sweater! But Kali helped me see, that a lot of good can come from discussing things.
Together we spent a great deal of the weekend catching up & detailing our differing perspectives.
Born on July 17th, (Cancer sun & rising) astrologically she’s pretty polar to me, ya see.. I’m a Capricorn moon emotionally. Coming from opposite ends of the spectrum creates a natural affinity. Potentially this type of relationship can bring balance & harmony. Sure enough, our conversations had me making sense of how I was feeling.
You’ve got to drip it to dream it, girl you’ve believin’
Surely we would have a good time. Confidence is key to how magnetic you’ll be. & Gosh darn it I still loved me…
Splash House Night One- LETS HAVE SOME FUN
Up in the club, just broke up
I’m doing my own little thing
‘Cause I cried my tears for three good years
You can’t be mad at me
Going out that first night, I asked Kali to lead. I wanted to observe things. People, planets, energy & every tune in between, I was there to soak it up & see where it could lead.
Waiting for the shuttle, we had already seen some shiny things. excuse me, Mr. van der Hart “nice red sequin sleeves!” Fashion & merch always intrigues me. Curiosity struck when I saw they gave Cool a new color… It was RED. Qualitatively, I was beginning to understand why.
MARS. I’d say it had more of an orange-ish glow tho. It was the only object in the sky you could see from the crowd & man could ya feel it all around. Adrenaline, go gettem! Blood-pumpin, muscles-thumpin, every interaction I could see was filled with some major Ares (god of war) energy. Intrigued, what more could this mean. It was time to let experience do some explaining. I’ve never really thought that anything was 100% inexplicable… Inconceivable however maybe a more appropriate word choice.
As far as odd decisions, It wasn’t long before I spotted some knit wear in the 100° heat. This guy was named Wesley & he was wearing what he called a “techno scarf“. Clearly my demographic, instantly we began joking.
Until I saw him litter his cup. um what the duck. Quack Quack Not oKAy. Kali started to see, & asked if he was bothering me. I bent down to pick up his cup, & mockingly Wesley wondered if I’d throw it away. Before he could blink I replied “As You Wish!” yay.. we were fast friends. But Kali was feeling our fire influenced exchange.
Splash House Day Two- WHO ARE YOU!?
Frolicking through the hallways of our hotel, we began to make many friends. I was particularly intrigued by a security guard who kept crossing paths with me, Mr. Dow.
I thought it was pronounced Doe – like the deer! (which is one of my spirit animals) But I was to caught up in the excitement to read his name tag clearly.. Still, twice I opened the stairwell to different floors & there is he was. I began to think, were you messing with me Mr. D?Fellow didn’t really want to stop & talk. He was working. But each time we crossed paths, I became more fascinated by his familiar energy. Almost didn’t believe it, when he said he was born on 9/23. What could the chances be? He had the same birthday as me! Of course Mr. D didn’t trust a thing, so the security guard & I exchanged IDs. Taking his job seriously, he had to stop talking to me. “Only one question” he said. So I asked if he could describe himself with only one word.
hmm. I thought of myself as more of a triangle… Wanting to understand our encounter more, I crocheted & thought about how people communicate. What makes us comfortable in certain situations, how do we know who to share with, & when to let in new friends..
Certainly my angels stood for something. What was his other side, I had yet to realize?
Which brought me back to a lesson I studied at University, Aristotle’s Modes of Persuasion. Naturally, the brain categorizes things to understand them. Ethos, Logos, & Pathos are meant to classify the ways speaker’s appeal to their audience. I think somewhat subconsciously, we use them as means to make decisions.
Like, Is this random stranger okay to tell all my hopes & dreams to? Actually, It’s dark outside, I can’t really see. I should just ask if they’ve seen the moon.. But which of those could that be?
Recording The Myth of The Moment podcast, Kathryn Chew described what the fourth side was Classically. Kairos, the youngest child of Zeus & the god of opportunity. He was all about knowing the propitious time everything would out all right. But it also means weather. For centuries the two have been woven together.
Now are you starting to see why I like astrology? You’ll find you don’t have to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choices.
Night Two- WHAT ARE YOU TRYIN TO DO?
Night two was a dream. I was begging to feel the power of loving to be me. It sounds kinda silly. But truthfully, having someone question being with me, did make me wonder if I taking my interests to far.The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, & sometimes frightened. But no price is to high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself (10151844).
Well-being starts in the depths of the mind. It rises from the knowledge of who you are as a person, where your passions lie, & what makes you feel most alive. Not only was I trying to own who I am, but also I had set out to make it myself. Not an simple task, especially when you get easily distracted like me. Having spent most of my adult years in relationships, I began to tell my friends I didn’t want another one till I was at least 26. Over the next year, my focus would be exploring my passions. Tuning in & trying out what makes me feel happiest. Owning how I am unique & learning ways to express it artistically. More art, music, & travel please!
The passion and the flame is ignited. You can’t put it out once we light it I used to hate how my passion, could be mistaken. But I’ve learned one the easiest ways to keep from having to defend yourself, is to stop seeking validation from people who’s opinions are not worthwhile.
A lot of people questioned our slightly over the top ensembles. But we were just embracing every day like we had a reason to celebrate. A couple times people asked if it was my birthday. Which was cool because I was trying to figure out who were the Leo’s in the room. Once it was the person asking & another time the guy had a huge lion tattoo on his shoulder. Alex, pictured below, started vibing with me & I could tell he was putting off some of that birthday energy!
The Final Night- WHEN DANCINGS RIGHT
As the weekend came to a close, there was one thing I still wanted to do. MAKE OUT with someone new! [rebounding is an acceptable thing to do..]
I major, I roar,
I swear I’m not a whore.
But really, I came to dance, so I should give some guy a chance.
Waiting for Kali, I attached my crochet sunflower to a trellis in the VIP. That way, she knew where to head ta find me. For a few songs I danced around, looking out at the crowd. Worried about my friend, I knew the show would soon end. But I was starting to get the feeling, that like me, she was able to fly free! So it was time I pick a guy & shimmy.
I saw this dude who looked alone, he had nice abs, but was on his phone. I made my way over, needing to observe a little closer. Despite a man bun, he looked clean & sorta reminded me of something. Alright, you can be the one. Tonight let’s have some fun! Shortly after the show ended, but not before I got a his name…
Kyle. The synchronicity amused me, so I kept asking him things.. Like what was he passionate about. Eventually he said “Photography”. Feeling lucky, I thought Oooh yippie, I’d let this dude take pictures of me.
& Off we went to get my Polaroid Camera. Along the way, he mentioned being an introvert & perfectionist. So I asked when his birthday is! Pretty sure he was a Cancer like Kali, he scoffed & looked angry. Letting out “Eugggg, you’re one of those” I didn’t think his answer would change anything.. It was an attempt to establish trust. Born on 7/21, I was right too. But I began to sense he was attaching pre-conceived notions to me.
“He is useless in that he would expend his energies upon making judgments rather than upon gaining knowledge, for the reason that judgment is easy and knowledge is difficult. He is contemptible in that his judgments reflect a vision of himself which in his ignorance and pride he would impose upon the world.”
Clearly I was making him think things. But he didn’t like explaining. So I tried to be vague & play his way. I just wanted to see if he was good at photography…
That’s the way it was
Happened so naturally
I did not know it was love
TA DA, What do you think? He did a good job to me. So after the event, we did some facetiming & went to the beach. I was surprised to learn he rowed crew like me & wondered what our other commonalities could be.
At times it seemed like we were reading each others minds. Then he mentioned being color blind. Realizing his moon was in Pisces, the sign that just broke me, I started to question reality. It was hard for me to distinguish my feelings accurately, mixing memories with the person in front of me. Ultimately things got confusing, Kyle would get annoyed if I brought up shooting. But he still wanted to get to know me. Multiple times I mentioned not being ready for anything. Having never been in a relationship, I don’t think he got it.
You stop explaining yourself when you realize people only understand from their level of perception.
At first I tried to be nonchalant, which didn’t work. So told him how he had been a Jerk. & he pointed out that I was still hurt… As if that made me a bad person.
🆗 to da loo
Ya did teach me a thing or two. Like the importance of timing. & good natural lighting!
Back to reality, oh there goes GRAVITY
Personally, I believe there is a solution to every problem. It is only our perspective that convinces us an answer is not capable of being imagined or grasped mentally. However, defining reality as a problem, is where we tend to get into trouble. No one likes to admit they’ve got issues. Or have them pointed out by someone else… But the more I listen to my own needs, the easier it became to identify the areas of my life that need work.
I pride myself on being observant. & If 2018 taught me anything, it was that you should never be to proud to let your true colors show. You might just start attracting exactly what your soul needs to grow.
Each encounter could have endless possibilities, are you going to take the opportunity to learn something.
Horace once told me that laws were powerless against the private passions of the human heart, and only he who has no power over it, such as the poet or the philosopher, may persuade the human spirit to virtue (92363BC).